October 2010
2 posts
i remember this feeling.
I don’t want to give up.
God help me, i’m so scared of myself.
look at me,
I’m stumbling down that oh so familiar path of mine. Give me a hit; anything that will make me feel better for a little while. Numb me with a drug induced nirvana that will make me forget my own name and what i’m about. I want the highs but i also want the lows. I want to feel myself crashing back down. Feeling every sharp sound and emotion ripping through my skull and down to my...
September 2010
8 posts
no one to blame but myself.
I didn’t think it were possible to hate myself any more than i already did. I can’t stand the person that i am. The way i look. The way i speak. The way i need you to fix me so bad. I’m pathetic. There’s actually no other word to describe me.
I’m tired of looking out for everyone else but myself. I’m tired of loving, loving and never ever being loved back. All...
nevereverletmego asked: I just wanted to say I really love your blog. It's really real and so legit. You're one of the people I follow on tumblr that I actually read :)
dear paranoia,
Like it’s not bad enough that you always convince me to think up all these stupid little theories about everything and anything, you are now fucking up my sleep too. Why do you always have to be so clingy? Fucking leave me alone already. I do not enjoy being an irritated, jumpy mess all of the time because of you. I do not enjoy having to look behind my shoulder everywhere i go. And i sure...
londonhatesyou-deactivated20130 asked: You're right at all points. And that's what I meant too, a maybe is never something that's been nailed to yoursefl or any other thing. It's never completely negative or positive, kind of like how a surprise can be. To be sure of what a surprise is, I believe that you should think of it as "unexpected". Is unexpected positive or negative?
londonhatesyou-deactivated20130 asked: If it's possible to use the word "maybe" in your life, it's also possible to turn it a little bit further, to something that's "not too bad". And if you are there, you're okay, I guess. I mean, noone needs to feel like heaven's in their flats or houses or brains or hearts, come on, we're just humans. Try to use the word "maybe" more...
maybe i was wrong.
Maybe we will be okay. Maybe i won’t ruin what we have. Maybe you’ll stick around. Maybe this will be the best fucking thing that will ever happen to the either of us.
Maybe doesn’t sound so bad today.
up until this morning.
I had completely let go of all the shit that happened a year ago. I had pushed it to the back of my mind and told myself that i will never let the things you did or said ever hurt me. But it seems like none of this will ever go away. I mean i know it will at some point but it doesn’t seem like it’ll be anywhere in the near future. And why? Because i might try to forget the shit you all...
there's a lack of colour here.
Fuck.
Drugs are bad for you.
August 2010
3 posts
i'm doing that thing again.
Where i punish myself for letting go and giving you all of me. I do a break up before the real life one. I abuse myself in all the ways i know how to until I’m numb. So when it’s time for you to break my heart, i promise myself that it won’t hurt as much.
Only problem is, i can’t handle it this time. Letting go of you is like letting go of everything that’s good in...
sfinnly asked: I continue to follow your blog, and I am amazed at how far you have come since your first few posts. :) I wish you the best of luck in life. You will be happy one day, fully happy. Because you deserve to be.
xoxo
xoxo
nobody knows.
I haven’t had a proper nights sleep for a while now. During the night I’m uncomfortable, paranoid and have nightmares if i get the chance to sleep for a few hours. During the day I’m irritable, anti-social and burst into tears randomly. I hate this. I feel so alone. There are so many things that i need to get off my chest but i don’t want to say them to anyone but you and...
July 2010
9 posts
rexworth asked: I miss her more than myself. Life seems to have no meaning without her now. I love her like I've never loved anyone. And I'm sorry that you went through all that you had to. But it's nice to see that you've come out of it so much more stronger than ever before. :)
Keep going girl! :D
Keep going girl! :D
rexworth asked: Hey, thanks for the follow! Imma following you too now! :)
I can relate pretty well to how you feel. In my case what happened was that our paths in life took us away from each other. She's in North America, and me in India. LoL. Sad.
I can relate pretty well to how you feel. In my case what happened was that our paths in life took us away from each other. She's in North America, and me in India. LoL. Sad.
16812.) I am struggling.
(via blogsecret)
and i know there's a deeper side of you.
One that you won’t let me get through to. Let go even if you think it’s reckless and stupid. I want your insecurities and your flaws. I want you to be vulnerable with me. I want you to show me the side you won’t let anyone else see.
Show me truth. Show me love. Show me the real you.
you need to know.
1. I miss you.
2. I need you.
3. I want you.
There’s a thousand things that i would like to say to you but i always end up biting my tongue. You’re always telling me that i should never put my trust into someone 100% and that makes me get a little nervous. I’ve never opened up to someone like I’ve opened up to you and although i don’t regret it, i feel like i have...
lately i've been wanting to hurt a lot. scream a...
The balance between how happy you make me and how depressed i make myself is getting out of hand. I don’t know how to explain it properly but the happier you make me; the more extreme the low is once it hits? It’s confusing. It doesn’t make sense. I don’t know.
i don't care if it freaks you out.
I will carry on telling you that i love you. I hope you know that i do it because i mean it and not because i want to hear you say it back. Nobody knows what could happen between now and tomorrow and i don’t want you to ever doubt how i feel about you.
i want to curb kick you so hard right now.
Funny how you still want to stir shit in my life yet if i remember correctly, you don’t want anything to do with me? I’m sure picking your incompetent boyfriend over me was a good choice at the time but i sense you’re starting to finally realise throwing ten years of friendship away wasn’t such a good idea. Well, fuck you. Have a nice life. One that i refuse to be a part...
day fifteen - the person i miss the most.
Dear you,
Words can not fathom how much i am missing you at this moment in time but i feel silly because it hasn’t even been a day since i last saw you. I don’t understand how I’ve become so attached to you and it worries me sometimes every time i think about it. I hate that moment when i have to go home and i give you an awkward kiss goodbye because all i want to do is stay in...
June 2010
24 posts
sometimes.
I tend to fuck things up for myself before someone else can. It hurts more less that way.
drabble-of-potter asked: Thanks for the follow :) i love your blog, its amazing. :) i can completley relate to what you write :)
cherry pie.
‘Any woman who is currently with a man is with him partly because she loves the way he smells. And if we haven’t smelled you for a day or two and then we suddenly are within inches of you, we swoon. We get light-headed. It’s intoxicating. It’s heady.’
- Christina Hendricks, A Letter To Men.
nevereverletmego asked: I loveee your blog. It's amazing :) . It's sooo true too. I know they say not to judge a person by something on the Internet, but you seem sooo strong for doing this. You're awesome. Btw ur ex boyfriend is a stupid douche for doing that to you..... U deserve much better :)
i don't mean to suffocate you.
I need you. So much. You can’t even begin to understand how much i need you to hold me or talk to me right now. Just to be here. I’m trying my best to give you space to do your own thing but i can’t deal with all this shit right now. Not by myself. When i tell you that nothing is wrong i am lying. I just don’t have the strength to find the words to explain to you what it is...
day fourteen - someone i’ve drifted away from.
Dear you,
At first i was really upset and didn’t understand why this happened. Now, i don’t really care. I prefer not having you around to put me down and make me feel like shit every time i see you. I know you don’t mean it so I’m not angry. Find me when you’ve grown the fuck up.
Maybe then we can be as close as we used to be.
P.S i do still love you.
day thirteen - someone i wish could forgive me.
Dear me,
I know you’re scared; deep down everybody is but you deserve to be happy. You need to let go of the past and be grateful for everything you have now. You need to remember that you’re only human; everybody makes mistakes. You are not the same person you were before so stop putting yourself through all this bullshit. You’re a good person.
P.S stop faking a smile and...
sometimes you're perfection.
And that’s what scares me the most.
day twelve - a letter to someone who has caused me...
Dear you,
There were a number of people that i could have chosen to write this letter to but i decided to pick you because I’ve already written a letter to my dad and one of my ex’s. And even though i hate said above ex and he broke my heart; you hurt me in a completely different way. At least i learnt a lot about myself in that relationship. I don’t regret being with him.
You...
sfinnly asked: Hey, I dont have a question I just wanted to tell you something.
I think you seem like an amazingly strong person whose suffered a lot in life. With that I can relate. I was really happy to read that you've come so far. Please keep your head up and keep fighting.
You're beautiful :)
I think you seem like an amazingly strong person whose suffered a lot in life. With that I can relate. I was really happy to read that you've come so far. Please keep your head up and keep fighting.
You're beautiful :)
sometimes you make me so happy that it hurts. in a...
But sometimes i want to crawl up into a little ball and cry. Cry till i have nothing left to cry about. I’m tired of being tired. I’m sick of being sick. I hate that whenever i’m happy, a sudden saddness decides to take over and make me feel sick to my stomach. I hate that i’m scared of loving you too much in case it turns into hate. Does that even make sense? Do i ever...
day eleven - a letter to a deceased person i wish...
Dear you,
There doesn’t go a day that I don’t miss you. I wish you could see me now; I hope you’d be proud.
I know I was ungrateful sometimes and I took your love for granted and I want you to know that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all the times that I didn’t listen to you. I’m sorry for asking you to come back because if I hadn’t, you would probably still be here right now. And I’m so sorry for all...
day ten - a letter to someone i don’t talk to as...
Dear you,
I miss you. It’s weird not seeing you almost every day. I can’t believe we did something so stupid to ruin our friendship. You were drunk, what was my excuse? Obviously you were going to lie about breaking up with her and obviously I didn’t believe you yet I pushed that aside that night. She comes by and sees me at work sometimes. I feel guilty every time she tells me how happy you guys...
day nine - someone i wish i could meet.
I don’t feel the need to write anything, other then i love you.
day seven - a letter to my ex boyfriend.
Dear you,
I hate you. Most of the time i don’t feel anything towards you. Sometimes i want to break your fucking face in. I can go days, even weeks not thinking about you and then BAM, somehow your face or your name is in front of me and everything comes rushing back. I try to avoid songs or movies that remind me of you but that kinda stuff is out of my control sometimes. I hate that you...
day six - a letter to a stranger.
Dear you,
I don’t know you and you don’t know me. A lot of people tell me that when they first met me they didn’t like me at all. I don’t know what it is about me but i guess i’m not good at first impressions. Either way, it doesn’t really matter what you think of me at the end of the day because my life will go on and so will yours. Your judgment means nothing...
i wish.
I wish i wasn’t angry all the time. Everything pisses me off these days. Everything. Even NOTHING pisses me off. I get so angry that i feel sick.
day five - a letter to my dreams.
You bastard,
Stop keeping me awake at night. Stop scaring the fuck out of me. I’m very happy that you are not real and i would like it very much if you stay that way.
Okay, bye.
day four - a letter to my sister.
Dear you,
I’m sorry i was such a shit sister for eighteen years. I never meant to push you so far away and end up hurting you all those times. However, if it weren’t for all the shit we went through we probably would never have gotten as close as we are now.
You are my best friend. You are always the first person i confide in when i have a secret. The first person to cry to when i...
day three - a letter to my parents.
Dear mum and dad,
I’m so sorry. For everything. If i could take it all back and start fresh i would. I’d take back all the lies and the hurt but i can’t. I’m trying so hard to make you both forget but you’re putting up a fight and it’s killing me. It kills me to know that neither of you will ever trust me or love me the way you should. I know what i did was...
day two - a letter to my boyfriend.
Dear you,
I’m not really sure what’s going on with us right now. I wish i hadn’t sent you that text last night. But i wish you knew how hurt i was feeling when i wrote those words. You’re probably thinking I’m an idiot; i know i am but you need to understand that it goes a little deeper then the reason you think i did it. If you knew how shit i felt, how completely...
day one - a letter to my best friend.
Dear you,
We’ve known each other for a very long time and it kills me that we’ve been drifting apart for the last few months. I don’t know what the reason behind it is but it could be your ex boyfriend, my ex best friend or exams and stuff like that. All i have to say is that i miss you. So much. I miss making you feel better after a long week at uni or after you’ve had an...
